Monday, September 21, 2015

Good morning and Welcome! to my 2-card Scales of Ma’at daily reading of 21-Sep-2015: the Ace of Vessels (Cups) and VII the Chariot. My heart quite literally “jumped with delight,” like the fish, to see that card. My heart and I have been spending a LOT of time together lately, in complicated, byzantine negotiations about MY necessity to “clean house” before we can progress any further, and he holding on for dear life to the very things that he considers life-sustaining and self-justifying. It’s like being back in kindergarten and trying to teach a recalcitrant child what is right and what is wrong and why and why not we mustn’t or shouldn’t do certain things, and the reverse. Hell, I’m assuming he’s old enough for kindergarten! I have been giving a LOT of thought to the “kind” of person I am, and if I like him, and what I would change about him if I could. THIS is combined with a twin thought-process thread of literally voyaging into my heart and first, looking around, and second, deciding what stuff needs to be taken out of that attic and burned in a ceremonial pile in the yard. And I’m looking at a LOT of stuff! Sixty-three years of accumulated emotions, some just skeletons now, others still rotting corpses contributing to the general stink, and still others actively at work trying to decide which way to go because they are “actively” lost. Yet I notice something; the rickety-rackety frameworks holding this enormous pile of dead and rotting emotion together can be glimpsed here and there through the oozing gobbets of detached feelings. And I KNOW them! Oh yes, I know them very intimately, because I built them with my own hands, joint by joint, pipe by pipe, and seam by seam, and when I was done with him first, he stood and named himself; “I Am The Great Sarcasm.” I then worked feverishly, as possessed as ever Dr. Frankenstein could ever have been, to build him a companion, alike to him in every way except even stronger, even more solid, even more pitiless. Then she stood, and named herself; “I Am The Great Naysayer – NOTHING Shall Pass ME And Thrive.” And then, weak with exhaustion, abuse and the air of lies that circulated in the Memory Palace, I closed the attic door, locked it, and threw the key out the window to fall a thousand feet below into the vast and uncaring ocean. Then away I went, to fill the palace with the furniture of my life, which ALL existed under the high and unreachable realm of Sarcasm & Pitilessness. I made a decision this past period of time, recently enough, that this was a BIG job, but one that I can do, cleaning out the attic. But I need to start now where I started then; I must disassemble Sarcasm. He’s easily reachable (I left backdoors, like any reasonable programmer does!), and I must begin the rather pitiless work itself of undoing that which I thought would, and DID! For a long time! work to protect me against that monstrously cruel world I was learning to survive in outside of the palace.  The upshot of all of this is that I have decided to actively try and stop being sarcastic and mean-spirited in my being as it shows itself to the world. I shall WORK at removing sarcasm from my rather formidable intellect and nearly-implacable will, and I will try, by the Lords of Light and Darkness! I will try, to be a nicer, gentler, more empathic person. My empathy is already high, Sarcasm and The Great Naysayer couldn’t enslave her, and therefore I think she’ll breathe the healthier air outside easier than her brothers and sisters, at first. My goal is to free the children from the attic, and to stop the work of the two beings I originally created to protect myself. Pitilessness will not long survive the fall of her other half, I hope. (I pray!) And from HER fall, I expect, FINALLY, the Sun to shine through all of the multicolored mullioned windows of my palace and to bring his nourishing Light. VII, the Chariot. I have been seeing a LOT of VII lately, and I DO mean a LOT! He’s turning up in all sorts of odd ways – the other day, I received as an unexpected gift a large colored drawing of VII, the Chariot. I thought, “What the hell?” But I tucked it away in the folio of things I intend to take and have framed on the next go-round. I did not connect until just recently the process in alchemy called sublimation and the Chariot (thanks to R.M. Place for that.) Sublimation is when your “matter” is in the vessel and you heat it to such a high degree that it bypasses becoming a liquid and instead jumps to stage 3, gaseous form. This, of course, is considered of “purer quality” than one having passed through the three stages. So Phaeton is driving the Chariot of his father, Apollo the Sun God, and of course he is inexperienced and swooping high & low, causing calamitous weather along his course. He’s rushing for his goal, you see, and with Mercury, Salt and Sulphur marking both his goal and his vehicle, he is seeing the Beginning of Time, those chemical symbols marking the birth of the soul and all alchemical essences. Our (My) Charioteer, this “impetuous youth” (and yes, I believe there are parts of me, large parts, even at 63, that are STILL This Impetuous Youth,) sees his goal (the dismantling of Sarcasm and Cleaning the Attic) and he rushes forward to it, because, quite frankly between just you and me I WANT to go back to that loving ‘state’ from which I originally came! Today I have, am being given, an opportunity to begin the work that I so desperately wish to accomplish, because I wish to save myself. I am the only one who can do it. Ms. Meleen’s (a deck creatrix & more) hexagram choice yesterday got me really roiled, it made me think, “Who do I think I am?”  I won’t repeat it here, but I will end with this: “This action can, at times, be immature and impetuous. But at other times, it can be what is needed to overcome fear and procrastination.” (Robert M. Place)   


4 comments:

  1. as above,so below" the goddess of love and chiron have helped you arrive at your goal(now to keep holding the reins).for (venus also influencing) a deep healing of ego and heart...self worth and self love the gifts of your hard earned emotional cleansing...congratulations!!!!!

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  2. Please write a book before I get old. I would love to sit in the sun and read it when my bones get old and weary. I love the "thinkability" of what you write, I read these blogs and then, well... think. Actually, I would love to read it now but I must read all the ones I already have first.

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    1. Kerry, I don't know if I have the self-discipline for a book! LOL! I write these "things" because they are on and in my heart and mind as my fingers touch the keys; I don't start with a masterplan for the "piece," I don't even REALLY know what it is going to say, other than the "message" I am determined to get in that day! I don't mean this in a mocking way, in any bad way at all, but I feel a bit like those rockstars that say to their audiences, "Love me Now, because tomorrow I'm gone." I am SO delighted you enjoy what I write NOW, Kerry. You have all the love in my heart.

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